A dear friend is a precious gift. I've been blessed with a few in my life, but this friend was different.

To be honest, more of a sister than a friend...the sister I never had.

We met through mutual friends and, at first, it was awkward. Making conversation with her was limited to, "How's work?" or "What's new?" I'd get a quick response and then silence...searching for something more to say.

We were in our early twenties. Denise had already married the love of her life, Jim. They were so great together. Meant for each other. I was engaged and planning for a June wedding.

We'd see each other when a bunch of us would get together. I'd always try to talk with her. Somehow I knew something was very special about her and wanted to get to know her better. She was unusually shy and breaking through was tough. 

 It wasn't until we found out that we were both pregnant at the same time that our bond was strengthened.

I had already had a young son and my family was growing. This was her first child. We began to talk about names and shared the glory of our mutual experience. It was a joyful time until I got the devastating news of her miscarriage. I stab went through my heart. Her loss was written on her face. We grieved together though her words were far short of the pain she was feeling.

I carried my second son to term and her joy for me was heartfelt. She never spoke of her loss again, though I knew it was a scar that would never heal.

Our bond was solid. We grew closer and would get together often. She and Jim would come over to to play cards - High Low Jack. It was guys against the girls and we always lost. That is, until one night, we were winning BIG! Suddenly, in the middle of the game, Denise turns to Jim and said they needed to leave. I was flabbergasted! I turned my cards to her to show we were on the verge of a huge win. She insisted she wasn't feeling well and I walked her to the car. "What's going on?" I asked with deep concern. "I've been getting these chest pains and I called the Doctor. He thinks it's some acid reflux or digestive thing. I'm going to see him in a couple of weeks."

"Alright," I whispered and gave her a big hug, "see you next week for the concert then."

We had planned to go to see Journey, one of the biggest bands at the time. I had been taking some classes at the community college and landed a job with the college newspaper. For the concert I planned to take notes and compile the playlist for the article I was to write. Denise was highly amused at me writing in my notebook during the concert and chided me. We had a great time. The concert was outstanding!

Bearing in mind this was all happening before the cell phone invaded our lives, a few days later I was out of town to visit the grave site of an uncle who had passed on. I was gone for most of the day and returned home at dinnertime. My husband met me at the door with dire news. Denise had had a heart attack and was in the hospital. We jumped into the car and hurried to her side. When I walked into her room, she lay in the bed, on the far side, with tubes running in and out of her while machines made beeping and whirring sounds. My head began to swim and I had to turn and make my way to a seat before I fell over. I'd never felt faint before. I sat down and leaned forward, placing my head on my knees. To see her like that was debilitating but I knew I had to go back in. She laid still, unconscious and oblivious to her surroundings. I took her hand and whispered, "I'm here." I felt her hand tighten the grip as tears rolled down my face.

As the days passed she opened her eyes and began to speak again, but her memory was fragmented and there were things she didn't remember at all. One of her first recollections was me taking notes at the concert. An unusual thing to be doing at a concert, to be sure. It stood out to her. We both had a good laugh about it.

Finally she was well enough to leave the hospital and go home. She was on a very strict diet and I made sure I would have the right foods when we got together.

Things were getting back to normal and we planned for a summer by the lake. We got seasonal camp sites, next to each other, and got together every weekend. By this time my boys were toddlers and 21 months apart. It was like having twins and Denise loved being around them. It was a magical summer.

An opportunity to move to Omaha, Nebraska was presented. My husband an I felt it was time for a change and a chance to grow our mom & pop business. We packed up our home and the kids to start our new life in the heartland.

When it came to saying goodbye, I was afraid that something might happen to Denise, knowing the damage her heart endured. Still, I knew we had to move and we did. Denise and Jim made it out for a visit and we kept in touch sending mix tapes, letters and long phone calls. Her mom owned a candy store and every now and then Denise even sent me my favorite candy.

Life in Nebraska was a Godsend. I started the boys in school and kept busy raising my children and taking classes at a nearby college.

One evening, while watching TV, the phone rang. My husband went to get it. I could tell something was terribly wrong. It was Denise. She had another heart attack and this one took her life.

I stumbled to my husband as he was on the phone and he told me. I dropped to my knees weeping. I would never see my dear friend again. It was a devastating moment, not only at the dreadful loss, but to be taken away at the age of 29 just didn't make any sense.

We made plans to fly home and attend the services.

The wake was well attended, many people loved her. As I approached the open coffin, she was laying there dressed in a nice top and jeans. We always wore our blue jeans and I smiled through the tears. I spoke briefly with her family. We were all struck with grief and words seemed meaningless. 

We came together the next day to lay her to rest. It was a chilly April day as we gathered around to lay flowers, say prayers, and our final goodbye.

After the ceremony we bid our family and friends farewell and flew back to Omaha. A few nights later, in my sleep, I began to have this feeling of rising up different levels. Like in an elevator with a brief pause at each level. At first it was dark but then a light filtered in and I saw her face. It was Denise! We spoke without words. Telepathy was the form of communication. I felt her say, "I have to go now." My reply was, "Can I give you a ride?"

Next we were in a car. I was driving on clouds. I came to a stop. I gazed around at the vastness and, in the far-away distance, there sat a city...The Holy City, although I didn't really know it at the time. It glowed a bright white light and it had a wall around it. I knew, in my heart, that that was where she was going. Of that I had no doubt.

She got out of the car and leaned her elbow into the open window.

As I looked into her eyes I convey, "I miss you." In that moment I felt a oneness I had never experienced, a total and complete insight into the very heart of the emotion. She felt what I felt.

She smiled from her beaming face and everything faded to black. The feeling of going up levels returned and I woke up, flat on my back, in my bed. My first thought was...I'm back.

It was a good feeling to have had the chance to say goodbye. 

Then, life carried on...

A few weeks later I came to know that I was expecting my third child and realized that I had conceived the same month Denise passed on and it was a girl. I knew immediately that Denise would be in her name.

The years rolled on as my family was growing fast, out in the great Midwest.

One Christmas, I found myself in a church pew glancing at the bulletin. There, on the cover, was an image of The Holy City with chapter and verse. It was the Holy City that Denise had shown me many years ago! It stunned me to find that The Holy City was written about in the Bible

(Revelation 21:9).

For over thirty years this experience has stayed with me as a beacon of hope and truth. An unexpected, gracious gift to be treasured and shared.  

She lives in my heart. The love never dies, and through various songs that I hear now and again, she comes into my life to remind me, she is never very far away.

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