Recalibrate
“The best way out is always through.”
Robert Frost
1874-1963
XXIV
Vera Lenore
October 2025
Sometimes the uncertainty of living, the ebb and flow of life, can bring on emotions we are unaware of possessing. Special occasions like weddings, birth of a child, raising a family, and the many beautiful milestones that are experienced, are all spiritual encounters where we are literally transformed. The dark night of the soul, loss of a beloved, the betrayal and treachery of malicious beings are part and parcel of life, testing and strengthening our resolve in overcoming adversity. The singular epiphany, through my many years of peaks and valleys, is that regardless of the difficulties, love is ever-expansive.
The flow part of life is easy-going and is usually fulfilling. The ebb, much like the ocean’s retreat, can leave you feeling stranded. The one universal truth, in every life ever lived, is the inevitable loss of loved ones. Our society remains stagnant on the issue of death and dying. It has been stigmatized along with any conversation around it…even making it the boogeyman of human existence, not the natural transition it has always been.
As TS Eliot wrote so eloquently…
"We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time."
The perplexing loss of a dear, lifelong love and the grief process is not limited to the spiritual connection and heartbreak. It seems there have been some studies about the physical, neurological correlation of husbands and wives in 30 plus years of marriage. Published in Science Direct, 2019, a study explores the brain’s connection between couples in long term marriages. It turns out that, over time, there are neurological ties to each other and distinct similarities between the husband and wife. The study goes on to say, “These similarities suggest that the longer couples are married, the more their brain activity patterns align, potentially reflecting shared emotional and behavioral tendencies.”
So it isn’t just getting over heartbreak, sorrow and loss…it’s also a physical phenomenon. Technically, my brain became wired to the same frequency as my beloved, deceased husband and now that physical connection has detached. Quite literally, your brain needs to rewire. In essence, neural connections are rerouted to complete the circuit. Grief Brain is a common symptom of the rewiring process. Forgetfulness, foggy feeling, exhaustion and many other more subtle ailments quietly align to undermine direction and purpose.
I’m certainly not the first, nor the last, to suffer a devastating loss and we all feel it in authentic, deeply personal ways. No two experiences are the same and the process can be both grueling and enlightening. The brutal reality of going through bereavement is the unrelenting absence of the physical manifestation of true connection. Without that tether to this earthly realm, we are like ships set adrift in a sea of confusion, leaving us open to endless possibilities that can leave you exhausted, confused and galvanized. The mystery of death ends when we can reach beyond this sensory world to find the sacred reality of the alternate life beyond this realm. There are many forms of communication and connection that go beyond our human capacity to comprehend and each of us has access to level up in our awareness.
Although the body is gone, the spirit lives on. The vivid dreams, signs and signals are all around to console us when we feel most alone. It’s in the sound of the crickets at night or in the flash of red you see when a cardinal crosses your path. It’s the dragonfly that sits on your finger and won’t let go or the echo of laughter when you do something silly that your spouse would have had a good chuckle over and you hear it, not with your ears but in the depths of your soul.
There are no hard and fast rules when grief enters your life. It is as much a transformation for the living as it is for the deceased. As spiritual beings, we are aware that our loss in this physical realm is a temporary separation that forces those of us who are left behind, to reevaluate our place in this world. To reinvent the limitless prospects of the obscure life left by the overwhelming void and the sudden, obtrusive silence.
We are called to be the best that we can be. To love unconditionally and share our joy is the greatest gift we can give. After all, we are here walking each other home and when one’s earthly journey ends the ones left behind are forced to reevaluate purpose and meaning.
There is no doubt our purpose and meaning in this physical world is very important. We have a mission to accomplish and do not leave this planet until it is complete. What that objective is, is mostly unclear to most, if not all of us. So take it in the day and be open to revision and recalibration. Live in the present moment and your authentic, divine nature will bring you to your transcendent objective.
